The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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