I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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