So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
