Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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