Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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