you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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