I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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