You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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