His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
