Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
