Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
