im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
