I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
