I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize