So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
