Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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