last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
