I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Terrible idea I love it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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