I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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