that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
