you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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