I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
