it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
