I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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