I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
