Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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