and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
