hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
