He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
