What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
