u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
