Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
