So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
