so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
