apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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