I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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