he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
