you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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