Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
