Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
