They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
