So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
