ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room

  Fav 4 2551 1053

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"

  (954): View more from Florida

  Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.

  Fav 15 960 3130

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko

  Fav 18 4361 1272

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.

  Fav 4 2129 887

  share tweet
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

  Fav 5 2788 1561

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.

  Fav 15 867 1435

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (515): View more from Iowa

  It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.

  Fav 4 2137 975

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"

  Fav 8 1377 596

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.

  Fav 1 860 448

  share tweet
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again

  Fav 0 473 456

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.

  Fav 0 176 96

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.

  Fav 0 7 35

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.

  Fav 0 29 42

  share tweet
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position

  Fav 0 93 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+58): View more from

  The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.

  Fav 1 14 27

  share tweet
  

Randomize