haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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