I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to have your abortion
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
