Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
