Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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