Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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