Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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