hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
