ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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