I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
