I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just want to make out with him forever
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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