You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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