Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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