I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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