He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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