Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
