OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
