I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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