Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize