just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
