Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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