I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
