I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
