Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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