Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
