I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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