needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
